Confession #05 – The Dead Soul – Oblivion

Confession #05 - The Dead Soul - Oblivion

2016 turned out to be one of the best years of my life so far. I traveled to Mumbai, went on some incredible adventures, cultivated wonderful friendships, learned new skills and took a huge step towards a big love life goal. But crossing to mid-2016 my world scattered down. I was left to face the harsh reality of my life that had been pulled out from below my feet and shattered on the floor. I was left totally broken, confused and not really knowing what to do, where to go & how to feel. The future I can see was dark & unpredictable in front of my eyes.

The sight was gone, my senses lost all control and felt for a long time like all meaning of life is hollow. But with the help of my family and my close pals, I started to step again and slowly re-build the foundations of my feelings. Until I was able to stand, look around and say ‘Ok. What’s Next’.

When something like this happens it feels as if you’ll never be normal again. The hope was lost, I started survival in fragments. But over the last four months, I’ve grown more than I have in my entire 22 years and I now feel the strongest version of me. I nervously laugh to mask my sadness, guilt & regret.

But now, now I don’t bother even because I’m glad I was left alone. The worst thing I’ve experienced so far in my adult life but I’m glad it happened. I sometimes feel as if we become a little indestructible in life when everything goes away. I often found myself in the quiet times feeling incredibly grateful. about how great life was and how things just seemed to fall into place. It wasn’t until everything fell apart that I realized my true potential, my desires, and my strength.

I made lists. Lots of lists. And it was the list called ‘happiness list ’. Some lists are named, ‘best peoples list’ ‘ things I love to do’.  I realized that over the last three months, I’ve achieved, done so much, & grown so much and you know what? It’s all been me. It was that tough time that I decided to take back control and not to let this quite frankly worst of circumstances beat me. I picked myself up and made myself. Fast forward over 4 months and here we are.

At the start of a brand new year with my entire life ahead of me. I love to welcome people in my life. A tiny circle of crazy & good peoples I call friends that I had no idea were capable of such patience and kindness. Two parents who love me more than life itself and who I’m as close to now that I have ever been before. And me. A new version of me that’s stronger, more independent, calmer, and welcoming version to whatever comes next.

A new me that lives for the present instead of 6 months ahead. A new me that is a lot more cautious with her heart, of course. but is all available to find the right person to build a future with despite the scars of past left.  The concept is that, everything happens for a reason, & that there are always lessons to be learned and what was fate will happen. My life enabled me to achieve so much without realizing I was doing it all on my own, and there were a lot of happy times. But now, now I have the strongest weapons a woman could have and a determination that burns brighter than ever.

I’m ready to start in my bubble again and to make my life the best life it can be. Bring it on 2017.
Carpe diem.

Let’s live.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stop_words

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